Today I worked in the garden; I start in the sprout house tomorrow (where I will be most of the time). It feels so good to do manual labor outside. It really confirms in my heart that the changes I have made are totally right. I won't be going back to a (natural light-less) sterile clinic (as much as I love the people there); I will be going to Peru and starting field research in NY. What could be more important? I love the sun, I love the soil, the slow pace, the conversations with everyone.
I went through a lot of emotions today. Finally things are opening up. I was really tired in the morning, and kind of upset. I had gained some weight at the end of the winter and the outfit I wore to garden in did not fit (none of my summer clothes really do. Winter clothing has more give since I layer like crazy). It was really uncomfortable and I felt really ridiculous. I just wanted to eat--there are three buffet-style meals. I ate way too much at breakfast and felt physically really awful. Luckily at lunch there were a million different juices, really fresh and strong, an unusual event. I had a ton and it really turned everything around for me, physically. You can't feel good if you don't have everything you need. By dinnertime I could feel I was still digesting breakfast, so I just had the standard weak green juice they have at every dinner. In exchange for a meal you can get two pieces of fruit (yes, people eat lots of fruit here despite the Rainbow Food diet! I love it). I love having food stashes, it's very comforting knowing there is something when I need it. I also got ten organic mangos for $5, there was a deal in town... anyway, I digress. After those juices, I started to really feel in tune with my body again. I went to temple afterwards, which Gabriel led. He had a great, positive energy. I messed up a ritual we were doing and everyone was very kind. My mind was chatting away like crazy during the meditation, but I also had great moments of clarity, and a lot of emotions were freed. I had some striking feelings of sadness move through me--remembering the park I used to walk through at lunchtime (Powderhorn Park), where my heart would feel so connected to all those trees. In the spring there were baby ducks and geese. It just made my heart sing, so much love for this earth. I knew I was stagnated, needing to leave when I didn't enjoy those walks anymore this winter. I was bored, in the middle of such beauty (the pond, trees, everything). I wanted additional stimulation (iPod)--how sad is that? I am so glad I am getting used to less stimulation, like I used to be.
Of course I also missed my friends, and Roman. It felt good to let the pain flow through. Things are finally opening. I loved the meditation and everything and am very happy. I was getting so depressed with my routine at home. It just wasn't working. How sad that so many people live like that all the time, of course they are depressed, much more seriously than I was.
Other interesting ideas--EM. Effective microorganisms. I will try them and report back. Google for more info. I don't really understand enough to explain, but I am always interested in improving my microbial situation :) "my little friends" They impact our body so much, another reason to eat well--feed the right microbes in your body. Anyway, they even use these in the garden. Intriguing.
I also met a dude that had been to Peru, where I am going. He ate tons of fruit, like I am planning on. He said it's really easy, just go to the market. And buy a peeler. The purity of the food is mixed--there are no organic standards, for example. I will probably bring a green powder to make sure I get everything in. I'm really excited about all the fruit I'll get to try--at least it will be fresh. I am so lucky.
People are watching South Park. So, not too serious, there is room for humor and all sorts of things. I love it.
1 comment:
how wonderful to be able to slow down and just be, and be in touch with others, and yourself, and the earth... it sounds like a dream. I get so frustrated by my short attention span and how I jump from thing to meaningless thing, rather than focusing and feeling at a reasonable pace.
a temple, how interesting. is it just a meditation place? they don't have a god, do they? I know you have no formal spiritual background, so I'm interested in how you relate to that. keep posting!
you are going to eat amazing fruit in Peru and I am going to be SOOOO jealous. at least the farmer's market is back and I can get something that came out of the earth nearby.
my mom just emailed me about the ego yesterday: "It's interesting that yesterday at the book club about "A New Earth" we talked about whether our professions mirror our internal purpose of practicing Presence in all our affairs. I can say that my career as a nurse does, but my career as a writer -- and even my performance as a writer -- doesn't. The writing comes from Ego -- it's full of judgement, opinion, identification with self and form. And it's supposed to be the "art" that comes from being in touch with the essence of God. Nursing my patients calls upon me to wipe tears, listen, practice presence and healing and it is almost an anonymous role. It is not from Ego, except for the routine medicinal practices we have to do like charting, taking vital signs, giving medications. That's a very small part of it. I'm glad I'm doing the latter. Perhaps in the future I'll use writing to advocate for nursing."
cool, huh?
Post a Comment