no more work?

Yesterday was my last day of work, and everyone is asking how I feel. I feel like it's the weekend and I will have to go back. I'm a little sad, wondering what happened to a few clients. But I didn't always see them again anyway. Sometimes they moved or another staff person would happen to see them, that's just how it is. I'll miss speaking Spanish with them and hearing their stories. One of the most amazing stories I heard was when I was helping this client, a mom. She was all ready to go, and then she asked if she could ask a question, her son was three and she was looking for school for him. Then she went into telling a bunch of stories that were circularly but not linearly related. Her son was doing normal three year old behavior (in my opinion), but the lady taking care of him said he was a bad child and the mom was very worried about it. The lady said he was bad at sharing because he didn't have a sibling, and that she should have another baby so he would learn how to behave. The mom explained that she couldn't have another child, because she had suffered so much carrying him. She actually crossed the border pregnant with him, and went three days thirsty and hungry through the desert. She feel twice with him and thought she would never deliver. She had medical problems during the pregnancy, and he was born very small. And now he is completely healthy and normal for his age, her "miracle child". That is why it is so important to her that he gets therapy if he needs, and she was thinking that if he entered school, he would learn to share and play well, even without a sibling.

I referred her to Head Start, assured her that her son was probably normal (he was sharing and playing with other children as we spoke) and that the lady was maybe just gossipy (a lot of Latino clients I see will get told silly or harmful things by other gossips). The lady was so happy I listened to her, because the father wasn't worried at all. I never saw her again, but I saw the dad the next time and he said he was fine, he was going to enter school. I don't get why a mom like that will never get respect in this country, because she doesn't have papers and doesn't speak English (a language that takes much time to learn), and will never make much money. She doesn't have any status. I worked hard to get to Cornell, but I haven't done anything to deserve more respect than that very kind woman.

I got the book the Secret Teachings of Plants. It will be either very cool, or a cool idea that is kind of boring. But I am excited to read it anyway.

viernes es el último dia del mi trabajo

Changes have always come more slowly than I've liked. Now everything is finally changing, more than ever before, and I am awful at keeping up with everyone, because I need so much time alone to recharge and process (even when everything is the same). Hopefully this will help people keep up. Sorry for the impersonality of it. The Luddite is me is quite conflicted.

I'm going to keep randomly insert foreign words when I think of them, apologies to those who don't know them. I am not trying to be pretentious (I was never good enough at any language to be pretentious), I am just trying to practice. I am terrified of forgetting Spanish now that I'm leaving my work.

Some nice thoughts from an old Species Traitor article:

"Existing in wildness, or simply being at all, means you have to start thinking for yourself. You have to be aware of your surroundings and learn how to take them in without having them blown up and framed for you. It means recognizing subtlety, distance, and being open to the way other life communicates and reacts to your presence. You have to expand your general awareness. That serves practical purposes as much as it does spiritual ones."

Awareness is my big flaw. I am incredibly self-directed, always thinking inwards. Maybe I will be able to grow in this area, slowly but persistently.