interesting find

I found this on Wikipedia while looking for a book on urban weeds, re Prof Lewontin of Harvard University:

Lewontin has also written on the economics of agribusiness. He has contended that hybrid corn was developed and propagated not because of its superior quality, but because it allowed agribusiness corporations to force farmers to buy new seed each year rather than plant seed produced by their previous crop of corn. Lewontin testified in an unsuccessful suit in California challenging the state's financing of research to develop automatic tomato pickers, favoring the profits of agribusiness over the employment of farm workers.

So I went to Indianpolis this week and hung out with standard agronomists and kids from standard high-input agriculture. It was fascinating to observe. The same companies that took the profit out of farming from farmers, and that continue to profit from farmers' hard work, actually have them all convinced that they are working for their sake--and the greatest good. The enemy is the city-based environmentalist, with silly demands about things they don't understand. There is a huge, misplaced gap that needs to filled.

After WWII, farmers were told they had to mechanize. Animals, which provided work and manure, were replaced with machines that required fuel (fuel was previously farmer-grown pasture) and inorganic fertilizers. It was brilliant--farmers were told it was for their own good, to maximize their yields. Control was taken out of their hands and into the hands of companies selling them their products. Yield *is* better, but only because it is so high-input. Calorie-for-calorie, it is not more efficient (like corn ethanol fuel--looks more efficient only when full costs of growing it are not included).

Then the plant breeding programs started. Many programs explicitly had the goal *not* of improving yield, but of making a patentable seed that could be sold to farmers. Farmers never had to buy seed before, but with the breeding programs, they now felt they had to buy the seed. Hybrids were invented for this reason, *not* for yield improvements. Genetic engineering is just an extension of this. The technology and motive is not much different (the fact that city environmentalists think it is very different, decreases their credibility and pits them against farmers who feel helped by this).

Interesting things have also happened with commodity markets and other different forms of ownership. The point is, self-sufficiency was taken away from farmers, and made to feel it was in their self interest. The gap is SO huge--there are literally farmers who say glyphosate (Round-up) is so safe, you can drink it. Because it's for killing plants, you see, and so it's safe for humans. BUT it is true that it is much safer than some other herbicides out there--paraquat for instance, is far worse. BUT it is also true that Round-up has increased monoculture, which is horrible for many reasons (environmentally and for food security). So, these issues are complex. But I am listening to the other side, not pushing my point of view, just listening. My mind is slightly more clear from meditation, and I am so glad I can listen without judging much. I can't pretend to have all the answers.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Side note: no recycling, and I made it as a vegetarian by eating huge amounts of fresh corn and melon--certainly there was no Boca or mushroom burger. So it was a different world, one full of strip malls. Very interesting.

Indianapolis makes me happy to be living in Ithaca... the beauty, existence of basic amenities (like sidewalks and recycling), people aware and striving to improve things. It'll be good to be back on Friday night.

Tomorrow I leave for Indianapolis for my weed contest. Busy, busy.

I drank coffee yesterday and it had some of the interesting effect as before, but mostly not. Mostly it did nothing. That's what drugs usually do for me, they usually work really well or too well the first few times, and then do nothing.

Still studying weeds, going to the farmer's market... simple things. I love it here, so pretty.
I don't like meditation at all right now. I'm only doing it because it is a commitment. Commitments are keeping your word, to yourself, and I do believe in that.

Happy Friday!

So Silk Soymilk (owned by Dean Foods) is no longer certified organic. But they put the word "natural" on there, which people like. It's pretty ridiculous and shows the danger of organics going mainstream. It would be a good thing if it wasn't owned by companies accountable to their shareholders (thus putting profit first). But the way it is going, they are doing everything they can to oppose organics, as long as it gets in the way of their profits (Whole Foods and their anti-organic lobbying is a great example of this).
-----------------------------------------

Meditation is getting more interesting. I have taken greater pains to rest afterward and let everything I dug up during the session dissolve. I always *should* have done this, but didn't have the patience. Now I am, because I feel the difference (I have more inner silence--just a bit). And in doing so, I feel more clear in my daily life. It is all self-reinforcing. I have more frequent glimpses of the "witness" state--every few days, for sure. They are integrating more with my daily life.

I am reading more and it seems that at some point, you can get to where thoughts are not very intrusive and meditation is blissful. It varies from person to person, all our circumstances are different. A few times now I have felt not bliss, but a mild endorphin rush similar to what I feel after a good workout. I have experienced greater bliss from workouts; this was very mild. But it was nice to get a glimpse of quiet. I do know better than to expect to expect anything from meditation.

---------------------------------------------

Next week I go to Indiana for a weeds contest. I am cramming my brain with names of weeds and pesticides (yes, pesticides. Know thy enemy, I say ;)) and modes of actions and scientific names. Tons and tons of info! But I will retain most of it for the weeds themselves, and it will be good to be informed about pesticides. There are better and worse pesticides, no doubt. I love weeds. Many have edible or herbal uses, and the way they fit into ecological niches is fascinating. I had no idea of this when I started... but they are my favorite type of plants now, after trees.

Things I need to remember for my meditation (personal list, not general recommendations):
-let mantra fade out completely before picking it up again
-rest afterwards to let all the junk fully fade away/transform or whatever it does
-no thought is justified. Always favor the mantra. The whole point is that no thought is justified, in a sense.
-let it go on its own it's all there, I'm just along for the ride.

I went mulberry picking after work today! I did it for an hour; until I couldn't reach anymore. I stood on a railing to reach some but didn't climb up the tree. My hands are stained purple.

Really silly thoughts keep popping up--they always did, but now they are more exposed for what they are. So silly! All the time! I can't tell if I've actually regressed, or am just more aware. "Well, I did blah-blah-blah." Who comes up with these things? I feel like I'm dealing with an annoying child. It's actually really nice to not identify with it. I think back, "Yes, dear, we know you're a good student and very bright and worldly, please stop talking about it, even I (your self) is bored by this prattling on." It's mortifying in one sense, but amusing in another.

I try to not say them, but sometimes I do. I would love to go to a 10-day Vipassana retreat, where you spend ten days in silence, with multiple daily mindfulness meditations. They say your mind begins to unravel during the ten days, in a way you can't in normal life. And afterwards, the unwinding continues anytime you are silent. I am sure it would feel long and horrible for days, but I would enjoy life much better afterwards. That's my only hope--enjoying what I have. I make my life so much better, and progress more in general, when I'm making the most of things. That's the paradox. The more you dislike life, the worse it becomes--it doesn't motivate you to actually change. But being able to be there, makes now the best you can make it.

So, when can I get ten days off for a non-vacation vacation? Not sure. But hopefully in the next few years. Before I wasn't ready, but now I think I am as ready as I can be.

My mind flits around like crazy and I often find it hard to concentrate. It is 500 times worse when I am very tired. I can't stand it because I want to enjoy what I am doing, but I can't. I want day to go by, for my obligation to be over so I won't have to keep trying to concentrate (which is failing anyway).

I walk by the waterfall, but I can't enjoy it. I want to be at the top of the hill. I'm at the top of the hill, it's a nice view, but I want to be at the bottom, done walking down. I'm in class, I want to be at home. I'm at home, I'm bored. It never ends. It makes me insane. I understand what Eckhart Tolle said, I can't live with myself anymore... who is this "self" I can't live with?

I am so tired of wishing away my life, so I force myself to just sit there and concentrate for a little bit each day. I would like to think it doesn't matter much, and so I don't have to do it, but I know that's not true for me. All the eight limbs of yoga will work for me in the long run... I would like to be able to be just a little more still, so I stop missing the moments.

This morning was great. We went berry picking: they had black, red and yellow raspberries. Each type has a different flavor-black is my favorite. Then I picked up my CSA. They had sugar snap peas, tons of greens, and young summer squash. I've also been shelling and eating peas all day, since they harvested a bunch on the farm. It feels so great to be outside in the beautiful weather, using my hands to gather food for myself, and eating it fresh from the source. This is the great benefit of living in upstate NY. Sometimes I'm very homesick, but I also appreciate the natural beauty here.

I'm also learning a lot about the weeds here, plants you see everywhere. Plants make my heart sing.

I didn't write this, but I liked it--it was from a yoga forum, no real name given:

Our ego is like a toddler steering his toy steering wheel with great attention in the passenger seat as daddy drives. We feel disoriented, angry, and disappointed that the car keeps turning when we don't, and that our turns often have no effect. It's a nauseating disconnection. But there are enough random coincidences (I steer my toy wheel and the car really does go that way) to keep us hooked to the delusion for our entire bloody lives.

Let go of the chintzy little plastic toy steering wheel, already!

I love being outside all day and using my body and getting dirty. It feels so real.

One new thing I need to be better at--not knowing. Sometimes I have no idea what people are talking about, and when they explain, I don't understand their explanation. Or maybe I don't understand, so I pretend I think something's stupid. It happens all the time, and I pretend to save face or not annoy them. But it's not true. I didn't realize I was going it, until recently. People do want you to pretend, but if everyone was honest about this, there would be a lot more understanding of each other.

They all loved the vegan brownies! They were reluctant at first, and asked if there were any weird ingredients. Nope, no whole grain or applesauce or flax, just high fructose corn syrup, white flour, oil, etc. They were pleasantly surprised and found them to taste "really good, like normal ones", while I shelled and ate fresh peas from the farm. I'm so pleased!


Working with people from rural areas (they consider Ithaca urban) is interesting. Honestly, I admire people who can live in slow-paced situations. They have an inner silence I don't. I have an idea of it--I don't like cell phones, background radio and music, etc. I find them overly stimulating. But generally, I am not used to living in such a rural place and don't know if I'll ever be.

One thing I've watched myself think a lot is: why are they trying to make me do something I don't want to do!?

I think this very frequently. It goes: someone tells me something. I think: I don't want to! Anger wells up. Why do I have to do this? I don't want to do this? Why are they trying to make me do this? I hate it! How can I get out of this? How can I get out of this long-term? I hate this and I won't do it.

This pattern has been in me for as long as I remember. Since I was three, probably sooner. I think it goes deeper than just being bossed around as a child. But the reason doesn't necessarily matter. What matters is, this resistance to "what is" makes me miserable and I can't stand it. So I just watch the child in me have a tantrum, and maybe at some point I'll tire of it. Whatever I'm being forced to do isn't nearly as bad as what I do to myself.

back from Montreal

Wow, watching everything I say and the true motive behind it, is scary. I'm frequently so manipulative! Sometimes I just stop talking, because I can't think of anything to say that isn't to persuade or show off or put someone else down. I guess that's good; it's better to say nothing if you can't say anything good. I can really *feel* the impact of what I'm saying, so it doesn't feel as good to manipulative as when I wasn't as conscious of it. I guess that's why they say meditation can be morally self-regulating--hopefully you get naturally get drawn to a better way of behaving as you start to really *see* everything. I don't mean to say I see all that much, but that I can see my own actions more clearly than before. I'm glad I'm realizing this now. I easily could have gone through life without growing much, making myself miserable by wasting energy. It takes a lot of energy to maintain the belief that you aren't good enough, and even more trying to counter that by putting others down and myself up. I don't want to do that!
------

I drank coffee on this trip again (to Montreal), black. I'm so proud that when I drink it, I drink it black. I feel like one of those tres-cool coffee snobs :) When I do this, I notice the same thing happens every time: at first it keeps me from falling asleep, then I feel very tired, then if I try to sleep my thoughts and heart start *racing* and I feel incredibly anxious.

This time, when my thoughts starting racing, I decided to stop resisting it. It was so difficult and uncomfortable to fight the deluge of thoughts racing around my mind, so instead of trying to avoid them, I pictured the energy popping up everytime I had a thought. I watched the energy pop (watched, yes; my thoughts often become hallucinations of sorts when I drink coffee. That's why I never enjoyed it!), pop pop, more and more, I had all sorts of weird realizations (but with practical implications), and it kept spinning more and more. As I watched it spin, my muscles started to relax like they haven't in so long. It was like the anxiety stored in my body was getting pushed out and released in my brain. This was the first time I ever watched it happen without fighting it (though I was still fighting it somewhat), and it was so so weird. But I'm really glad I felt relaxed in the end. The mind is an interesting thing!

Montreal was awesome, by the way. Loved it.

-------

I eat pretty healthy, but lately I've had a crazy habit: chewing packs of sugarless gum. It's not so crazy, but people keep looking at me funny for going through a couple of packs a day. I find the incessant chewing to up my mood and make me less anxious. Hopefully I'll feel like dropping the habit before I get aspartame-induced cancer. But for now, it's healthier than smoking or drinking or keeping all that tension in my body.

-----

I got free strawberries and peas today, loads and loads! And when I was picking juneberries, a lady told me where there are some blueberry bushes on campus. I love getting to eat so much fresh fruit for free, with my own hands. It feels so *right*.

Back to Montreal for the extended weekend, starting tomorrow! Je vais parler francais. I've put Portuguese on hold, temporarily. Yesterday I was asked, in Portuguese, how my studies were. "Eu no posso estudar portugues; eu vou a Montreal ama~na e eu tenho que falar frances." It took a lot of brainpower to get that out!