Crazy night

I had the most intense experience of my life the night before last, with a very heavy dose of ayahuasca. I wanted to dig deeper than ever before and ended up trying to take on more than I could handle. This medicine allows you to get farther and learn more about yourself and connection with others than you could in a hundred years of meditating. It is so arrogant to suppose you could heal everything by yourself, without the use of medicines from mother nature. It is interesting because many spiritual teachers are very opposed to the use of such medicines--looks like their egos are still getting the better of them.

It was so intense that I am still processing. A lot of it sounds crazy, to be honest, too crazy to make up. There are a few people I was told I should introduce to this medicine, that it could help them process quite a bit of their stuff. But I also am not in a place to tell anyone to do anything. Anyone who suspects I am talking about them is probably right, and you can also ask me about it if you want. Do it if you get the opportunity. If it doesn´t sound right to you, don´t. But know your options. (And anyone who is skeptical should put their ideas to the test for sure--there is so such thing as permanent damage or death from this medicine, ever. So do it if you are suspect and then come back and judge).

I took the first cup, as a full dose instead of the smaller amount people get when they are first starting. It was a very safe, controlled setting; the right place to take on such an amount. After an hour, we were asked if we wanted more. My dose was only starting to set in, and I could barely go to get a second dose. But I felt compelled--that I must do as much as I could, and take care of as much as possible. Normally you would only take a second dose if the first dose wasn´t enough, or if you had already purged the first dose and then wanted to go deeper. Neither was true for me. So I went dark and deep for hours, much longer than the ceremony was supposed to go for. I was convulsing hard for at least five hours, maybe six. Everyone had come more or less out of it, for the most part and several people came over to assist me, telling me I didn´t need to fix everything in one night. That I couldn´t. This didn´t make sense to me, I was so desperate to fix everything. I was trying to clean everything bad out of my body. Finally, finally, after five or six hours I purged. The journey is so much stronger if you don´t purge at the beginning. I was also sick, feverish before I began (that´s not a contraindication, since this medicine is healing), also making it more intense. Finally I figured out that Roman, who was not in the ceremony, should come. He understands me even when I don´t make sense and knows how to communicate to me. Finally they went to get him, but to go get him and come back was a twenty minute walk, total. Understand that when you are unable to reason and have no attachment to your ego, that each second is very long. Finally he came, I was barely able to understand he was there. Eventually he took me home, very slowly having me walk. And then he carried me a fair ways. I was still tripping but gradually came down, I was able to communicate and reason much better. Sometime after dawn, we finally fell asleep for a couple hours.

I got as close to an overdose as you could get, because in cleansing myself, I nearly hurt myself. I would have if I didn´t have everyone else helping me. I had been planning on doing it again last night but needed to recover. I would still like to do it again before I go. I don´t want to be afraid, or lose the connection, or rationalize everything I learned away. I don´t want to erect walls between me and other people. I want to be kinder and more openhearted for everyone I know. And say sorry for everytime I have hurt anyone.

Getting settled in the Sacred Valley

Pisac, where I´m staying--from toddadams.net

Cusco´s blue skies and beautiful architecture

We´re staying with a friend that is renting a place in a village that´s a cheap bus ride from Cusco. Beautiful mountains, fresh air, drinkable tap water (without flouride and chlorine like at home), chilly nights and sunny days, quality produce--totally different than Iquitos. and so QUIET! Iquitos is filled with motos and mototaxis without any mufflers. It was incredibly loud.


Tonight I am going to an ayahuasca ceremony with a different person, with a different approach. Roman wants to feel more settled before he flies off into other worlds, but I am excited to take advantage of every opportunity I get. I wish everyone could do it--but not everyone wants to be separated from their ego and forced to see what is really important. It´s a beautiful thing, but if your life is built up around un-important things, you´ll see how empty it is. There´s also a beautiful suffering in the cleansing, in the purging (through vomit and sometimes the other end), but not everyone is used to that idea. It´s not instantly gratifying, and hard to go through if you´re not used to that kind of suffering and knowing what it means. It´s kind of like ¨´good pain´that you can find in yoga or other activities.


My friend and I were discussed the difference beteen spiritual tourists and seekers. Spiritual tourists want to see some cool stuff, and feel like they´ve spiritually advanced, but they´re just tourists--they don´t want to stay on this path and put in the work (dedication) and aren´t willing to suffer at all. When they go to a medicinal ceremony, they want smoke and mirrors and pretty visions (like Disneyland!). I can respect them, not everyone´s ready to be serious about their life. But their goals are not congruent with mine.


My friend used the word ´seeker´...I don´t know if I feel like a ´seeker´, per se. I know everything is within me (I don´t mean that egotistically), and it´s ´´just´´ a matter of getting assistance from whereve, whoever, and everywhere to open up and learn. ´Seeker´makes me think of someone who feels less centered and more lost. But, I don´t have a better term either. I´m just doing my thing, trying to open up and be real.

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We´re all feeling a little sick--tired, getting used to the altitude, and who knows what else. One thing I know it´s not, is disregarding all the fear-based rules everyone was telling me before I left (especially from people who haven´t traveled)--don´t eat anything that hasn´t been peeled or boiled, don´t have lettuce or tomatoes especially...etc. I have totally disregarded that, just going by common sense, and my digestion is as good or better than it´s ever been at home.


Cusco has some incredible veg restaurants. I am sooo full... toasted corn, veg quinoa soup, mango-pineapple-maca smoothies...etc

There are some people that speak Quechua, and Spanish as a second language. Very interesting. But I´d rather continue with Japanese and Portuguese and Spanish before getting too deep into something like that I wouldn´t use too much. Looks like a fun language, though.

In Cusco

We hung around Iquitos for several more days, with some friends. The produce is so, so horrible there--just really bad quality. Like it´s been sitting in a fridge for a month about to rot when you buy it in the grocery store. So I started eating some whole grains, like whole grain crackers and gruels and that kind of thing. I´m not really a grain person, but I couldn´t stand it anymore. I´m really glad I read this book awhile ago on vegetarian cooking in Spanish. I learned words for hazelnut and flax and barley and amaranth and and that sort of thing, it really helped me know what I was eating. Studying finally pays off in the real world.

Before we left, we got the scoop on the street kids. I guess most of them are not forced into it like you´d think. They want to do it, and often their parents want them to do it as well. They want to be free, and parents know kids can get more money from gringos than they can. The parents are ignorant about education as well (not that you have to go to school to be educated--often the opposite is true--but there´s no future in street hustling). So maybe giving the kids food and money just encourages this. It´s hard to say no though. Even though they do have a home and parents to go to.
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So early today we flew from Iquitos to Lima, and from Lima to Cuzco. It is gorgeous---about 2 miles up (need to acclimated) above sea level, tons of delicious restaurants (including pure vegetarian), much quieter, tons of beautiful crafts (including clothing), beautiful hiking (I am so excited, there was no opportunity for exercise in Iquitos. I must have walked only a mile a day--drove me nuts). Night is so cold, but the daytime has strong sun that makes up for the weather in the 60s. I love it.

Off to study my Spanish grammar!

random observations

This may have repeated info... it´s from an email I wrote my old co-worker today. She is awesome, she did Peace Corps in Uruguay and traveled around South America after. She is voluntarily childless--and a real sweetheart, always going the extra mile for clients (sometimes a bit overboard) and wants to stay in touch with me. I also learned from her to just speak Spanish, and not worry so much--because when I feel self-concious, I don´t want to speak at all, which makes things worse. She just goes ahead and does her best, knowing there are mistakes, and doesn´t worry about it. That attitude helped me a lot when I was starting and couldn´t speak for shit :)

Anyway...

Til we go to Cuzco, we´re just putzing around Iquitos. I´m going to meet a
Brazilian shaman today.

I´m practicing bargaining--at least my Spanish is
good enough to do it. I just don´t care that much. So I knock five soles
off the price of something, I just saved like less than $1.50. I´m frugal
generally, but I don´t care that much!

But it´s the custom... so I do it. At first I forgot--there was one time I
forgot, I just said, okay, and then I could tell I messed up, because the
lady was real surprised and tried to sell me more things. (You could tell
she thought, damn, I should have said more money!) Then she started to try
and sell me way more, since I was a sucker, and they started swarming. But
I had spent it all! too little was left to bargain with. I learned my
lesson. Bargain and it´ll be less of a pain afterwards. don´t bargain and
they´ll be after you.

you can´t chill on the lawn at la plaza de las armas or any other plaza.
lame!!!!! that´s the whole point of a plaza!

sounds are really loud. lots of motos, mototaxis. music is way loud!! but
people somehow still understand each other--reading lips, context, body
language, I guess. I haven´t a clue. Sometimes I ask them to repeat a
bunch, and then they think I don´t understand the spanish. No--I can´t
freaking hear you!!

I don´t know how they don´t lose their hearing. they must! it hurts!

yesterday we went to see a movie--agent 86 with steve carell. I liked him
back when he was on the daily show. anyway, we go, and it was dubbed in
spanish (we had gone to another one with subtitles, which I like--english
is easy to follow, and I learn spanish from reading subtitles)!

me and our friend henry couldn´t follow. we caught like two jokes, that
was it. and the voices sucked and all the jokes are changed (since they´re
cultural) and suck (assuming you understand). roman could at least follow
it (even if he didn´t get it all). but so we left...

one day we went in a colectivo bus, those white unmarked minivans...ha ha.
just when you thought, okay, we´re full, you can´t fit in anymore
people...they did. it woulkd be a seven-seater in the US. the the seven
could not be large people. we, no shit, fit in 17 or 18 people at the peak.
it was so funny. eventually I started playing the game: ín how many ways
would this be illegal in the US?

there were over ten ways--unlicensed van, broken side window (like, pieces
missing), too many people, no seatbelts, dude holding chicken in a box (I
think that´s illegal--you can´t just bring a chicken with you like that),
loads of stuff not really secured to the top, dude hanging out of the side
of the van (he collected money--this is actually illegal, because he ducked
back in when we were by cops), side door open, small child on mom´s lap,
throwing garbage out the window... too funny. at least I was so crammed in
that if we crashed, I probably wouldn´t fly out.

also money...they would not accept this US 20 dollar bill because it had
the tiniest rip. no one at home would consider it ripped, we were
confounded. one waitress refused a peruvian bill because it was ´too old´´.
what that means, I don´t know. uh...you can´t get change for a 20 sol bill
unless you are at a real legit establishment, where you spend lots of
money. 20 soles is like under seven bucks. no change for a seven dollar
bill! so you can be loaded, but effectively have no money.

crime is NOT worse than at home here. violent crime is LESS. maybe
robbing-pickipocket the same

the differences are funny...so I´m not complaining! I enjoy it a lot.

I was also thinking I really, really want to work with Spanish-speaking immigrants somehow when I get to Ithaca. I miss the women I would see a lot and I learned so much from them. Of course I want to continue to improve my Spanish as well. I don´t know how much time I will have... but I am looking for opportunities.

randomness

Me at the Tree, with my roommate Maila and in the garden

ah, these bug bites are killing me. I keep thinking, mind over matter but it´s much easier said than done! much worse than mosquito bites.

fruit. everything is imported since we´re in the middle of the jungle. sadly, it is mango season in mexico, and not here where it is winter. mangos are my favorite. there are various bananas. mandarins (not tasty, dry), avocado (which I haven´t been in the mood for), apple, chirimoya (good) and some others. the exotic ones are mostly slimy ones with hard black seeds. I kinda like the ones I am used to most of all, to be honest. common eh!
but lucuma is great--but I only found it in lima. plus there are acidic, not sweet fruits.

food. not like mexico, where you find beans and rice and salsa and guac and chips easy. smoothies and salad and fruit salad easy to find, and vegan. I haven´t had this, but also ceviche and fish and avocado stuffed with veggies and not many veggies to be honest (I think in Ecuador they eat more). IncaKola is neon yellow, this is the only place where a local soda is more popular than Coke. I don´t know about all that they have as far as meat goes because it all seems the same to me--meat. there were some weird things. alligator and organs we don´t eat at home.


spanish. I mostly understand when I´m conversing with someone. someone else´s conversation, forget it. obviously they speak to me so I can get it. they have the cute funny ecuadorian type intonation I saw at work
weird stuff:
aguacate is palta
menu is some kind of soup of the dayor something. carta is the menu.

buying. I forgot you are supposed to bargain with people on the street. So I bought something a bit overpriced and everyone wanted to sell to me! but I was out of money of course. people with little businesses everywhere. so illegal in the us. no licensing, not good sanitation for food, etc. but it´s fun.

people. people are skinny, normal, overweight. more skinny people than at home. I didn´t feel fat though, even with 15 pounds of winter weight, still am normal enough. no one is obese except for american tourists. the tourists are mainly either seeking a mystical experience, or missionaries. most of the obese people are missionaries I suspect, if not all.

homes. lots of shacks. I wouldn´t mind, it doesn´t get so cold and a simple home is best. who cares if it´s wood and tin, you can be just as happy or happier like that. I think the issue is lack of sanitation, water and waste is a big deal. that is a problem.

the 24th they celebrate summer solstice. don´tknow details. should be great. cusco has a HUGE celebration but it was $200 more to go that day or before--everyone goes there. but it will be cool. a guy we met at the curandero´s center in the jungle is renting a place 40mins away from cusco in Pisco, and we´re going to stay there for awhile. also see machu picchu and a totally different partof peru. climate (mountain, high altitude, different climate and cuisine)

Ego

Ego is an important thing. Without it we would die, we would cease to exist. Yet if we follow our ego over our heart, we are not nourishing our souls properly. We will not be going in the right direction.

It is an interesting thing to recieve medicine so powerful, you lose all sense of your ego. There is literally NO sense of self, no self to exist and do all that you normally do. It is terrifying at first. Since you no longer exist, you can´t rationalize, you can´t think, only observe. Nothing else may exist, since you can´t imagine anymore. So you can only assume that this is all that exists, and that you will never come back. You will be floating around forever. A formidable concept at first. Terrifying, in fact.

I think this fear, fear of losing the ego, is the basis for many bad trips (the other basis would be coming from a negative place, seeing the negativity that is already inside you). But it doesn´t have to be like that. As you have more practice getting closer and closer to giving up your ego, you can learn to relax and enjoy the ride. It doesn´t matter if you come back or not (though you will, even if you don´t realize it). When you lose the ego, the deepest cleansing may take place. In my three experiences, I was able to see more and more how it is to let go and be comfortable with that space. But I am still not ready to give up my ego for any time, the idea terrifies me. On my first experience, the strongest, I held onto my ego my a mere thread. I chanted the mantra love and it kept me from going to infinite pieces. It also kept everything pleasant while the medicine cleaned out the negative. But hopefully I will reach a point where I will not even need to do that.

My number one piece of advice I would give, what was told to me that shaped my experience so well, was this: have an intention, how you want to cleanse. It may not go in that direction, it may turn out there is higher priority work to do. But the intention helps so much, for you to do the work you need to do. There are no shortcuts. The medicine is there, but you still have to do the work.

dieta

The curandero´s alter, with various plant medicines

Preparing for the pre-ceremony bath

The creek where we bathed

*All photos are from my curandero´s website-- http://images.diosayahuascasana.multiply.com

There are many different kinds of dietas, to allow the plant spirits better access. Most specifically, la planta madre ayahuasca. Every curandero, healer, may be a bit different. I will discuss the way the curandero I was with did it.

Basics: no sex (including sexual thoughts or masturbation), alcohol, drugs, sugar, spices, oil, salt.

The food I ate there was like this:
-gruel (grains like oats and quinoa) and wheat crackers for breakfast (no sugar, salt).
-vegetable soup with noodles, and rice and beans with a few veg for lunch
-dinner is breakfast

The foods are plain and actually more processed than what I prefer to eat. But they are fairly pure foods, benign. If you just eat fruits and veggies, it will be more cleansing and clean the medicine out as well. Plain foods like rice allow the medicine to stay with you, without introducing toxins into the system. No fruit at this time--he said it is good, but for while I am there, too sweet. Someone else told me that he suspect the true reason for avoiding fruit is that it is too cleansing, it will move the medicine. So it is probably not as cleansing for me, someone who consistently has a diet of half fruit and avoids junk. But during my stay, no fruit.

He said quantities don´t matter as long as you stick to the diet. I liked that because restricting what I eat is easy. How much is another story. I suppose as you are progressing, everything you don´t need falls away and you come to desire only as much as you need.

The most intense diet is not water. It is water and a single grain or two, only as much as you need to not be distracted by your hunger. This is for spiritual healing--if you are so distracted by your hunger, it will impede the work of the medicine. So eating some grain can give just enough to quiet your mind about food, without actually eating much.

The other two people there started eating the same as me. Then slowly different things were taken away. When I got there, they were just taking water and fariña and tapioca. Fariña is yucca boiled, baked and dried into little tiny pieces. Looks like little yellow grains. I liked it--but it would be tough to do as your only food if you had access to more. But you could.

The curandero told us a story when we were asking questions--concerned that we couldn´t stay and study as long as we´d like. The story was this: two students tell the teacher they want to become curanderos. Okay, the curandero says. Then you need to prepare. Go home, follow the diet, concentrate on it at home. Then after one year, if you did these things, come back.

So they go home. And one student is like, hey, he can´t see me. Why should I do all this stuff? So he went out, partied, drank whatever he wanted, ate whatever he wanted, whatever. The other guy, he satyed home and followed the diet and prayed and everything. So after a year, the second student goes back and says, okay, I did it, I am ready to learn.

The curandero says, you did it. You are already ready to start healing people. You taught yourself, at home... so the point is, you don´t have to come here for a long time. The process has been started, and as long as you allow the unveiling to continue, it will. Diet at home, focus on your cleasning and growth at home, your curandero is always with you. You just have to make the space for it to happen.

This is from my curandero--I didn´t see this before now. He speaks only Spanish (I was SO glad I know Spanish), but the info is in English. La dieta is not all, but it is an essential part.
http://diosayahuascasana.multiply.com/journal/item/1
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I fasted on day 1 and couldn´t purge for hours after taking medicine that night. It was actually pretty awful. Purging is an excellent thing. You must be very advanced to not need to purge at all--if I had stayed there a few weeks I´m sure I would have reached this point. But because I came fasted and had been eating so clean before, it was difficult to vomit the bad energies festered in my stomach through the medicine--that I needed to. After 4 or 5 intense hours, and being on the verge of vomiting for a few, I finally forced myself to, and felt immensely better. The other two times it was much easier, probably since I had food in my stomach. I still didn´t vomit for a while, probably due to my regular diet, but was able to when I needed to. Waiitng to vomit makes the whole experience much more intense, I was glad. But when you need to, you need to.

I was also on a medicinal tea, ajo sanchi. It seemed to really attract these tiny flies, smaller like fruit flies. They seemed benign. Nope--they bite you and you don´t notice til later, when they itch badly. I look like I have chicken pox all over my legs. The mosquitos were no problem, but these small flies...sigh.

intro to jungle experiences

I am grateful for everyone´s kind words.

The past week was a profound and accelerating (in terms of my path) experience. The medicines of the Amazon truly can do so much to clean us in so many ways and reveal what is really there under everything. It´s showing us who we truly are. We also met some wonderful people who will always be our friends. The most powerful I took Mon, Weds, and Fri. Another I took Tues through Fri, as a tea. We also had a special dieta to assist the plant spirits. I did not have the most intense dieta, as I was not ready for it. But I can continue the work at any time, without a further dose of medicine. It will always be with me.

I also see how my decisions affect me and everything else. When I make a choice, it is often between my heart´s desires and my ego´s. The ego is important, it is great. But whe you follow your ego over your heart, you are feedng negative spirits inside you and accruing negative karma. When you chose your heart´s path, you are starving the negative spirits, or perhaps filling them with positive energy so they may go higher. And building positive karma and energy. I can feel that now.

If the spirit and karma and everything doesn´t sit well with how you view things, feel free to change it to fit your worldview, to more physical things. That still gives you a slight idea of the picture.

Mother Nature doesn´t make mistakes

The center of Iquitos

I saw the above slogan the other day, next to the image of a substance illegal in the US. Interesting. I used to be a real purist, I didn´t want any altering substance in my body at all. I wanted to achieve everything through control of my own mind and body. This is a good basic idea, it kept me from doing a lot of stupid things. And there are no shortcuts to enlightenment. But sometimes plant wisdom, something from outside, can give us new experiences that were not possible through ourselves alone. I was resistant to this idea for a long time, but experience trumps dogma. The trick is to take the experience seriously, understand what you are doing, and learn from that experience. You should be able to see things in a different light when you are done, without any assistance, if you learned properly. So on that note, we are going into the jungle tomorrow and we may encounter some special people, with special knowledge of the plants.







Last night I ordered a fruit salad last night from a bar, and to my disappointment, it was all canned. What a rip off. I picked at it, canned fruit is not that great. Then...there were all these kids that kept coming by to sell stuff. like, seven year olds. I asked one of them if he wanted to eat the fruit salad, that I was full. He nodded yes, sat down, and slowly ate the whole thing. Portion sizes are usually pretty small for kids. He must have been hungry. It was sad because before he ate the salad, we could pretend he was like one of the kids in the States, selling gum or whatever for fun, for a school fundraiser. We couldn´t deny that that wasn´t the fact after he ate the salad. Roman got real sad and gave him a secret present. A 20 US bill that the bank wouldn´t take because it had the tiniest rip in it. If he exchanges it on the street, he can still get a load of money. We are so fortunate. It´s not so fun to be rich if you are aware of it. I am thinking about how I can be more careful with my money, and not waste so I can carefully help others more. Like with the microloan programs. Which reminds me, I think one old one I did was recently paid back, I get to reinvest it now.





Which reminds me, even in a poor country, traveling is expensive. Don´t let anyone tell you otherwise. You are spending money and not gaining any! All those people that travel after high school or college must have a steady flow of cash coming from their parents. I saved for two years for this trip and most of that money is going to be gone at the end (well, some of it is hidden, luckily. I hope to go to Iran at some point). It was worth it, but I´m only gone for a month, and I was in Peru. I can´t imagine people who spend so much time in Europe without working. They must be loaded.





When we were at that bar last night, there were some people around our age, maybe also early thirties, doing carnival-like tricks and asking for money. They reminded me of the traveling punk kids I know. I was actually really annoyed by them, going around and asking for money. If they don´t get enough money to eat, they can always go back home. The truly poor that were begging have nowhere to go. How dare such priveledged people beg in such a poor area when they could the ones giving, easily. I don´t mean that they have to take part in the economic system, not at all. But don´t be in direct competition with the truly poor, when your poverty is voluntary and temporary. Anyway, this type is easy to spot. Despite what they are wearing, what do they always have that the poor people don´t? Nice shoes.





We went to a butterfly garden today and living near there was this sweet red-facd monkey. it groomed my hair so caringly and lovingly. Then it sat next to me and I did the same thing. Roman was in love... it really shows how things should be.

saturday...?

There are over a hundred internet cafes in this small, cramped city, and Roman likes to stop by them, so I just do the same, though normally I wouldn´t. e have lots of time though (which I love). It´s like 75 cents for an hour. Everything is crammed together, it´s so fascinating.

I saw an American high school group here. I don´t know what they´re doing here; no one speaks any Spanish. The ones that know the most know just a few phrases. I can´t imagine the arrogance of going to a country and not studying the language at all. I guess they´re just kids, and haven´t really thought about their place in the world. But you can buy newspapers and go over vocabulary, study with a book, watch Spanish programs on the TV, and of course, speak to people. It´s such a fabulous opportunity. No one expects you to speak fluently, learning a language is HARD. It´s great for taming your ego. But you have to make an effort.

I went to the market today. The meat section was a good advertisement for vegetarianism, in my opinion. So sad to see the animals´bodies displayed there.And it didn´t look sanitary at all, especially in this heat. I bought maracuya, passionfruit, and two others, whose names I forgot. Apparently one is tart and not sweet at all. The other one is acidic but sweet. Also shredded palm hearts (I sprayed those with food grade hydrogren peroxide I brought). The organic ones you can buy in the States are actually from this area. Anyway, there was lots I wanted to buy, but couldn´t. It was fun to see. And two boys were drumming there.

I finally got to do some yoga last night and center myself. A brief meditation. There´s one of those Falun Dafa?? groups that China was prosecuting, they do Tai Chi (I don´t really know much about them). I think they might have meditation sessions, that would be good to go to, since otherwise I don´t have any method of timing myself. It´s not necessary but helps me meditate longer.

The traffic is crazy. There are almost no cars. There are motos, and lots of mototaxis that will bring you someplace else. Mostly we just walk. One block is really short. I don´t know, it feels like maybe a third of a block back home. Maybe just a half of a block, compared to a place like NYC. There are tons of uncontrolld intersections--busy intersections with no stop signs in any direction, or lights or yield signs. Figuring out the dynamics for that, for crossing, has been interesting.

I love it. I think having been to Mexico a few times helps, having an idea of how things work--though Mexico is a richer country. I am not uncomfortable at all so far. It´s hot and humid, but it´s nice to have so much warmth.

more ! monkeys, race, and medicine

We went down the Amazon and saw a place where there are some monkeys that have been there since they were babies, so they like humans. We played for quite awhile. They were small and cute and had names like Pancho. Roman of course LOVED it and got kind of knawed on, since he was playing kind of roughhouse with them, like a boy. Some of them got kind of bite-y. They liked to climb on you, onto your head. And then you should be affectionate and stroke them affectionately and caringly. They do eat bananas. There was a spider monkey that eats spiders, as well. That one didn´t climb on us. I talked to the guy that brought us down the river. He was 17 and has lived in this area his whole life. No kids. He has met people from all over so thinks about leaving and seeing other places. I don´t know if he could very easily, financially, but maybe. He sees these animals everyday and knows all their names and what they were like as babies.

No one in Peru thinks I am Peruvian. It is so funny, because my race basically changed after coming back from AZ and getting darker than I ever have in my life. And most every white person I told I was going to Peru said I would blend right in. Nope, they know I´m not Peruvian, but my dark skin and Spanish speaking confuses them a bit. One lady thought I was from Spain. I could pass as Mexican maybe (in Mexico people might think I´m Mexican at first. Mexico is more diverse, in a way. Most are part native, but the degree varies a lot and the natives vary more since Mexico is so big. So more mixing).

But it´s much more comfortable here, still. People are okay knowing I´m from the US and learned Spanish there working with Mexican immigrants. The line of questioning stops there with Peruvians. White people are nosier; they still want to know why I am brown, even though I don´t care why they are white, what their lineage is, and I don´t want to talk forever about it. People wouldn´t pry so much before I got tan. Hopefully as the world gets more mixed, people will get savvier and figure out that everyone is mixed to some degree, and we don´t need to spend five minutes going over the details. If Roman and I have a child, it´ll take ten mins to explain ;)

We had the option of going on a tour to see a local native tribe. We would see a dance and could buy their jewlery and that sort of thing. Voyerism. Neither Roman nor I wanted to do that, the whole thing just saddens me. Of course I am very interested in the tribes. But the natives have basically been forced into prostituting themselves for money. The dance and everything is all show for the gringos. It´s like going to a strip club, or watching porn. A sad parody of reality. We didn´t want to be a part of that. We can support them in other ways. I would love to see their traditions, but I don´t think an outsider can truly observe it without altering the process. It´s just not how it works. I can advocate for their right to exist from the outside.

My raw diet got broken, as the salads all have some cooked veggies. No problem, veggies are still healthy. But I prefer them raw, they feel much more vibrant and tasty that way. Still, being vegan is super easy. Fruit salads and veg salads and fruit smoothies all day long. YUM. If I wanted I could also get rice, papas (potato) or yucca or fried plantain. But I don´t really feel like starches, since it´s so hot and humid. We have even found seitan and soy meats for Roman. You can buy lots of packaged soy meats on the shelf in stores, regular stores. They look like dog food. I don´t consider them healthy, but they are a good transition food towards vegetarianism. And at least they don´t carry the burden of being as much of a factory farm product (though sort of).

I haven´t been able to meditate, since I want to see everything! But I probably will later. I have been doing breathwork, pranayama, and a tiny bit of yoga. I would like to study the herbs they have here. It is incredible. There is a tea that is a cure for type 2 diabetes. There is a tea that cures high blood pressure. I absolutely believe it; that´s where standard drugs from. Plants. I don´t generally believe in using any sort of medicine until truly necessary. But if it is dearly needed and available, and can be procured in a way that doesn´t threaten any ecosystems, it would be a shame to not use it.

They have delicious herbal teas here. More later.

Iquitos!

So we wandered around Lima yesterday, accidentally running into a vegetarian restaurant. There is another one we missed that we can hit on the way back. Then last night we landed in Iquitos, Peru, in las Amazonas. It is a really safe town, the worst that could happen is that you get cheated a bit. But you would never get robbed outright, so I would say it is safer than home. They have coca leaf as a medicinal herb. If you want the alertness effect, you have to take it with something like baking soda to release. And then it is like coffee, without the jitters.

They have different words for simple things like aguacate/avocado (something that starts with a p, I forgot). My Spanish is not so great here, like it was a t work. But I can get by. I love it. And it is HOT. In Lima it is Winter, but here it is always hot.

arrival in Lima

We arrived last night. This morning we went to a restaurant and I got two juices// guanabana and lucuma. Lucuma is like liquid brown sugar, a very popular flavor here. I also had a fruit salad and a normal salad. The salad was dressed with lime juice and salt and \no cheese. This is a big deal, because every salad in Mexico comes with cheese, even when you ask them not to. I had a perfect delicious vegan breakfast and didn't have to modify a thing. I was amazed.\

Things are a lot like Mexico. And we are apparently in the nicest part of Lima. The class discrepency is so sad. All these rich overpriveledged people come here and \i don't think it helps the people at all. But tourism helps their economy...I need to think about this. I was looking at the \\survival International website before \i left and was thinking I should donate to them when I am working again. And then I prayed for that tribe that got discovered, or rather, sent them my energy. I hope they get to keep doing their thing without getting their land stolen.

The keyboard is different here---ya me voy. This is fun.

http://www.veganoutreach.org/advocacy/vegimportant.html

Is being a vegetarian important?

more memories

Other things--

--Gabriel came back to the Tree before I left and spoke a lot about how the culture of life is not about a war against the culture of death, but about raising consciousness and transforming others. You can't win by spreading hate. That only contributes to the problem.

--I asked about what to do in a situation where you are being attacked, since it is easy for us to speak of this in a safe room in Patagonia, AZ. He said it is not that you can't do violence to defend yourself--if you must, you should (and though he respects Gandhi, it was inappropriate of him to ask Hitler to please stop the war--it was an action that didn't make sense or help anyone). But doing unfortunate things (like killing in self-defense) should be a necessary action, not one out of hate and fear. He told of a samurai that was hired to kill someone for the emperor. The man spit in his face before he went to kill him, and he turned around and left, sparing the man. A few months later, the samurai caught up with the man and went to kill him. The man asked to know why he had spared him earlier. The samurai said that if he had killed him in that moment, it would have been out of anger (since he was spat upon) and he is not to kill out of anger. But now he is not angry so he can go ahead. So he did kill the man then.

I had heard that story before, but this time it made sense to me.

--There was a person who arrived at the Tree who obviously had had some plastic surgery done. She was very nice, but obviously had fake breasts and possibly collagen-filled lips and other work done. I just wonder why someone who went to the Tree would be interested in those things. I can see changing your mind and accepting yourself afterwards, but wouldn't you get the toxic things removed then? I don't mean to gossip. I was just confused, I am just wondering what brings certain people to the Tree. I didn't speak enough to her to be sure. I know she never went to temple because she didn't like rituals, she said.

--Gabriel is also kind of a nerd, which is funny. He makes comparisons between the current situation and Star Wars, apparently. In satsang (spiritual Q and A), he compared things to Iron Man--Iron Man was an arms dealer who became good. He transformed, versus being killed or conquered, and that's what Gabriel is talking about. Not personally into comics, but I thought it was cute that he makes those comparisons. It will be a "party-cipation", a party, with participation--I guess the book Sacred Commerce has more on this.

memories, part 1

I came home at midnight Sat night/Sunday morning and transition has been hard. I am going to try and write here what I can remember...

I had so many great conversations with so many people. Even meeting people an hour before I was going to leave--we were still able to connect.

Things we talked about/I experienced:

--non-violent communication. This is a re-hash, there are a lot of complexities I'm glossing over. Instead of saying,"I don't like this song", saying "It doesn't work for me, it doesn't resonate with me"--then it is your experience, versus making an absolute statement that can set up conflict. Same for "This song is good"--sets up conflict or dualism (some songs are bad, I don't like other songs). Can say--"this is pleasing to me","this makes me feel good". 

--The above tool can be used to communication with parents. We discussed how there is a point when you have to realize that your parents are not your parents anymore, in the sense that they are when you are a child. They are people with their own set of limitations, just like anyone else. Speak to them at their level in a way that doesn't create conflict. Speak to how *you* feel instead of making assumptions.

--everything comes from a place of love or fear. And fear is really about a lack of love. This can help us understand why people act hatefully, angrily, etc. Really they just want love.

--one nice thing--was not analyzing why we overeat. Pretty much everyone goes nuts and overeats when they are new to the Tree (and "new" could mean, your first five months there!). One thing that was nice was to *not* overanalyze it for once and just go with the flow. The food is great, there is a bounty, and sometimes you eat way too much and you may feel sick and gain weight. But if you keep trying to listen to your body and do better next time, there is no reason to overanalyze the"why". It just is. No need to judge it.

--one of my favorite people would OMM really loud or chant really loud in the shower (unaware of how loud it was, I think!). It was cute and hilarious. He totally wasn't putting on a show, it was just him. He wasn't very grounded, but he was the sweetest person ever. And authentic--this was key.

My main objection to the Tree of Life is pricing. It is outrageous and inaccessible for most people. A community member (say, living in Patagonia) must pay $40 for brunch. How much can you eat at once that makes it worth $40!? I can see $20 (though I find that crazy), but $40!? They do use the highest quality ingredients (Gabriel tests them all and they are expensive), but still.