trees and cds

I had thought that in returning from NYC, I would be bored by Ithaca and its small town-ness. But I made good use of the bus ride home, meditating and questioning my thoughts--there wasn't much else to do. And I thought about how you can be happy or dissatisfied anywhere. Ithaca has many great things. I have been taking it for granted, that for a small town it is pretty liberal, in the sense of people not judging you for who you are. There are a lot of great people working for peace and eco-movements (even if I am not directly connected with them). And yes, small towns are slower paced. But if you are not over-stimulated, you will learn to enjoy that, and that there is actually tons going on. Nature is always busy--it's just a matter of stilling yourself enough to notice.

So when I got here, I saw that it was so beautiful. And actually, it was. It was like the color just exploded on the trees. And I was able to see them. Usually I'm so caught up in my thoughts that I see everything through a thick haze. Maybe I should put that in the past tense...it's not so true anymore. I am really opening up a lot. And then I walked by this tree that was so bright and vibrant that I was literally moved to tears. I was kind of shocked, I am never moved to tears. But I have always loved trees and kneeled before them in times of despair. And they just exist, and let you exist, and they never ask for anything in return.

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I also am listening to some subliminal CDs. I had heard the idea a long time ago. You listen to something like ocean waves, but it has subliminal messages. Sounds silly, maybe, but I try to be open-minded so I don't miss out on things. Finally I found some mp3s and downloaded them--you can buy them and you can get them through bittorrent as well. Mine are from Brain Sync.

Anyway, I am actually really surprised. You are not supposed to see any effect for 30 days but I felt like there were effects immediately--I did listen a lot though. There are ones for improved sleep, better focus, kundalini release (I am avoiding this for now since my meditations have felt pretty powerful lately), etc.

After the first night, I had a dream and my subconscious said---keep doing these, I am able to fly into dimensions through my dreams that I was never able to before. It was not a dream about the mp3s working, it was my subconscious telling me something, a direct observation. I don't know if they would have worked a year or only six months ago, but I am more open now and I feel a difference. My sleep was so good last night, usually I have such nerve-wracking dreams (but not nightmares) that I wake up tired. I feel a difference in other ways too, hard to describe but very obvious... I can't fake it, and I don't think it's placebo effect. I wouldn't care if it was, results are results. But placebos have never helped me before, even when I wanted them to.