I'm learning a bunch of things I never would have chosen to learn on my own--programming for SAS (a statistical program) software, calibration of equipment for pesticide spraying, agricultural machinery. Maybe it's good to develop those parts of my brain (which have always been weaker), but I kind of doubt it. There is nothing on the artistic side--it is completely lopsided. I haven't been able to stand fiction books for years. I can't stand scientific discussion that isn't very precise. They call it "training" for a reason--they train you to think in a very specific way. I am constantly being tested, being asked questions. The answer isn't as important as the reasoning I give.

I can't wait until this foolish business is done. Then I can throw paint on walls and be ridiculous and dance and rebuild the other, atrophied side of my brain. School is basically to train the creativity out of you, for whatever subject you study. It is also very good at making people invested in a system that doesn't work. So you get students coming in that are idealistic and care. And the output is jaded, cynical graduates who worked so hard and don't want to lose it all for something that isn't going to happen anyway (whatever change they initially believed in). So they drop their initial values for something more "practical" that they are told will make them happy.

Of course it doesn't make people happy to accumulate excess wealth (happiness cannot come from outside, once basic needs are met), and it can't be justified anyway. The flip side to this system is that all wealth is built on the backs of exploited people everywhere, so I am not extremely interested in this wealth. I am pretty well off right now and wouldn't need that much more money to comfortably have a family. I am so lucky to be in this position (born in the US to literate parents who could always feed me), and to not be under the illusion that the point of life is to accumulate wealth. That is such a poisonous trap. As it is, I am extremely wealthy to be able to travel so much. I'm not saving right now, but I don't care. I'm so lucky to get to have all these experiences now. I want to keep going with them while I can.