the kundalini!

Today was sunny and warm, and there are flowers everywhere. I am so happy for summer finally coming.

When I first read about kundalini energy, it seemed very mystical. Now that I've experienced the effects, I think it is just a matter of time until we are able to measure it. 100 years ago a computer would have been magic, but it was just unknown. What happened was, I had been feeling increasingly anxious and depressed from too much spiritual exploration. I thought, maybe I need to take the next step, and add pranayama before my meditation. I added just a few minutes cautiously, since when I was doing it this fall, I ended up nearly going insane (literally--if I had continued it long enough it might not have been okay). I felt like I was burning from the insides. Mentally I desperately went through what would bring some instant relief--alcohol, no, weed, probably not but worth a try, food, yes. A package of bread and rice cakes (which I don't even like) brought some acute relief. Finally I remembered the pranayama, backed off, and now I am lucid again, without my nervous system being burnt up.

If you are bringing up too much energy through the gunk in your body (of which I have tons), it just creates anxiety and fries your nervous system. I think that's why so many people have problems with meditation (they can't, or it makes them feel bad)--hearing/feeling all the junk in your mind is hell until it noticeably subsides. It's not a linear path, and people have to do different things.

I've also been allowing automatic yoga to occur, and it actually makes me feel much better. It gets the knots out, mentally and physically (I personally store my emotions in my body instead of expressing them, on a deep subconscious level). There is nothing mystical about it, I am sure now it is the from the kundalini trying to come through, and shaking out blockages. If civilization continues another hundred years, it will probably start to measure it, I would guess.