Ego

Ego is an important thing. Without it we would die, we would cease to exist. Yet if we follow our ego over our heart, we are not nourishing our souls properly. We will not be going in the right direction.

It is an interesting thing to recieve medicine so powerful, you lose all sense of your ego. There is literally NO sense of self, no self to exist and do all that you normally do. It is terrifying at first. Since you no longer exist, you can´t rationalize, you can´t think, only observe. Nothing else may exist, since you can´t imagine anymore. So you can only assume that this is all that exists, and that you will never come back. You will be floating around forever. A formidable concept at first. Terrifying, in fact.

I think this fear, fear of losing the ego, is the basis for many bad trips (the other basis would be coming from a negative place, seeing the negativity that is already inside you). But it doesn´t have to be like that. As you have more practice getting closer and closer to giving up your ego, you can learn to relax and enjoy the ride. It doesn´t matter if you come back or not (though you will, even if you don´t realize it). When you lose the ego, the deepest cleansing may take place. In my three experiences, I was able to see more and more how it is to let go and be comfortable with that space. But I am still not ready to give up my ego for any time, the idea terrifies me. On my first experience, the strongest, I held onto my ego my a mere thread. I chanted the mantra love and it kept me from going to infinite pieces. It also kept everything pleasant while the medicine cleaned out the negative. But hopefully I will reach a point where I will not even need to do that.

My number one piece of advice I would give, what was told to me that shaped my experience so well, was this: have an intention, how you want to cleanse. It may not go in that direction, it may turn out there is higher priority work to do. But the intention helps so much, for you to do the work you need to do. There are no shortcuts. The medicine is there, but you still have to do the work.